So after realizing that I had said “yes” to teaching a Blogging class to my fellow REMAX associates, the PTB had no choice but to schedule a date; which was this past Tuesday.
Class went something like this:
Hey anyone want coffee?
Cell phone rings and everyone looks at theirs, 1 person leaves the room….
Sure, got any doughnuts?
Another phone rings again, another one bites the dust….
Hey what about the doughnuts?
No doughnuts.
This class blows….
OK, so now I’m standing in front of a big white board (anyone who knows me knows I LOVE white boards) and riting (without spell check) and imparting all sorts of interesting, witty and informative blog stuff to the class.
Or so I thought.
What I was actually doing was setting back the art of blogging for at least …I don’t know, let’s say 10 years (stay with me kids).
After I had dazzled them with my vast knowledge of nothing, we had a Q & A and Folks started asking all sorts of difficult questions involving “tracking and hits and capturing and a bunch of other Internets stuff”, which my reply was “HUH”, then I did what all good teachers do………I threw my eraser at them.
So if in the next couple of weeks you start to see these topics on Realtors Blogs/Websites:
Dead Hair
Why do motorcycles have windshields?
How big a boat
Canine CSI
Who needs shoes?
Or for that matter underwear….
You are welcome!!!!
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Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
What the Blog
Every so often the "Powers That Be" (PTB) at REMAX, (in what I consider their way of humoring me) ask me to teach my fellow Realtor‘s something.
They will approach me and ask, “Hey Jav, in the mood to set back the conventional wisdom of Real Estate 50 years or so?”
Me; “Sure, been a while”
PTB; “What do you want to teach?”
Me; “No Clue, what you thinking?
PTB; “Don’t know, any ideas?”
Me; “Nope”
PTB; “Nothing?”
Me; “Nada”
And this goes on for a bit longer, as they do not want to be responsible for yet another “You sure you want him to teach that to our associates?” Conversation.
Finally and with much remorse later they blurt out “How about teaching a Blog class?”
Which I promptly reply “you guys read my Blog?”
PTB; “Of course”
Me; "Really"
PTB; "Really"
Me; “Lately?”
PTB with nervous looks “Ah not really, Why?”
Me; “OK, so when’s the class?”
PTB’s walking away and in a low voice……”told ya”....and they start having "THE" conversation
To be continued…….
They will approach me and ask, “Hey Jav, in the mood to set back the conventional wisdom of Real Estate 50 years or so?”
Me; “Sure, been a while”
PTB; “What do you want to teach?”
Me; “No Clue, what you thinking?
PTB; “Don’t know, any ideas?”
Me; “Nope”
PTB; “Nothing?”
Me; “Nada”
And this goes on for a bit longer, as they do not want to be responsible for yet another “You sure you want him to teach that to our associates?” Conversation.
Finally and with much remorse later they blurt out “How about teaching a Blog class?”
Which I promptly reply “you guys read my Blog?”
PTB; “Of course”
Me; "Really"
PTB; "Really"
Me; “Lately?”
PTB with nervous looks “Ah not really, Why?”
Me; “OK, so when’s the class?”
PTB’s walking away and in a low voice……”told ya”....and they start having "THE" conversation
To be continued…….
Monday, July 25, 2011
What a weekend!
It was hot as hell outside but our office was also "Muy Caliente".
Don't know what happened (must be the heat) but it seemed like everyone in the South Grove called me to list properties this past weekend.
All sorts of homes; some big, some small, some with pools, some with room for pools, some with all sorts of extras, some plain Jane/John.
Right about now every year I get the "Holy Hell, it's hot and the Hurricanes are on the way and wouldn't be a great time to get as far away as possible from Miami" listing calls.
It's exciting, I go to a ton of Listing presentations (mine are special and worth a call just for the insight), meet new folks and promptly crush all of there $$$$ dreams.
Oh well, It must be the Heat.....
BTW; Welcome New Member that was brave enough to sign up (they never learn)......as to the rest of you who read this and are on the DL, come on take the jump....
Don't know what happened (must be the heat) but it seemed like everyone in the South Grove called me to list properties this past weekend.
All sorts of homes; some big, some small, some with pools, some with room for pools, some with all sorts of extras, some plain Jane/John.
Right about now every year I get the "Holy Hell, it's hot and the Hurricanes are on the way and wouldn't be a great time to get as far away as possible from Miami" listing calls.
It's exciting, I go to a ton of Listing presentations (mine are special and worth a call just for the insight), meet new folks and promptly crush all of there $$$$ dreams.
Oh well, It must be the Heat.....
BTW; Welcome New Member that was brave enough to sign up (they never learn)......as to the rest of you who read this and are on the DL, come on take the jump....
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Dead Hair!
Ok, so how come when I cut my hair (or style it...whatever), the first thing they do is take me over to what looks like an elevated Bidet and do the following:
Place a towel around my neck, sit me down in a chair and begin to THOROUGHLY wash my hair?
I mean they go full out; they start with Shampoo and then they rinse it out and then they work in some Conditioner and massage my hair and Scalp and every once in a while my neck (I think the Shampoo Girl is taking advantage of me) and all for what?
All that they are gonna do is CUT OFF all of this Clean, conditioned, massaged happy hair!
Wouldn't you do this afterward or is this some type of "Hair" last wish thing?
I don't know, just seems wrong.
Place a towel around my neck, sit me down in a chair and begin to THOROUGHLY wash my hair?
I mean they go full out; they start with Shampoo and then they rinse it out and then they work in some Conditioner and massage my hair and Scalp and every once in a while my neck (I think the Shampoo Girl is taking advantage of me) and all for what?
All that they are gonna do is CUT OFF all of this Clean, conditioned, massaged happy hair!
Wouldn't you do this afterward or is this some type of "Hair" last wish thing?
I don't know, just seems wrong.
Friday, July 15, 2011
How big a boat?
Every once in a while I'll get these calls, they start out something like this and I love to play along:
Yachtsman (more on this later) "Hi, I was looking on the internets' and came across your name and you seem to be pretty sharp and know all sorts of stuff about Real Estate"
Yep, that's me "Mr know it all" (guy must really know me well)
YM; "Well I'm looking for waterfront home in Miami where I can put my boat"
Me; "Ok, lets see are we looking for Condo or Single Family?"
YM; "Doesn't matter, just need dock space for my boat; I'm going to do the Islands"
Me; "Alright, so how much dockage do you need (and here I show off my vast knowledge of things Nautical and bust out the sailing lingo, dropping all sorts of "west marine" terms).
Open Fish, Crusier, tuna tower, how much do you draw, in's or outs..etc (BTW all of these are legitimate questions as I am trying to ascertain the Yachtsman's needs and what type of water front he can use).
I don't want to assume anything, so I ask a generic boat question.
Me again; "So what are we looking at, something like a 30' open fish?"
YM; "Oh No, its at least 100ft, I want to cruise the Islands"
Me (under my breath); "Holy Shit"
Me Again; "Well then we are going to need open water and single family"
Me; "What kind of "Yacht" do you own? (more boat lingo)"
YM; "Oh I don't own one yet, I'm in the market for one"
So we are looking for a home (that you don't own) for a Boat (that you don't own)....
And now the real fun begins.........
Me; "So you don't have the boat now?"
YM; "No, do you know anybody that sells them"
Now I'm also in the boat business.
ME; "I hear Tiger Woods might want to unload his."
YM; "Huh"
Now you just know how this is going to end cause as of now I have not asked the magic question out of genuine "Miami" courtesy......But now I have to go for the gold.
Me; "So, what price range you looking at?"
YM; "Max 200k"
Me; "For the dock rental right"
YM; "Huh"
Me; "I'm sorry, your breaking up on me.....and I start to make crackling sounds into my phone"
Moral of the story?
I answer my phone and chat with folks even when I know the ending....feel free to give me a call!
Yachtsman (more on this later) "Hi, I was looking on the internets' and came across your name and you seem to be pretty sharp and know all sorts of stuff about Real Estate"
Yep, that's me "Mr know it all" (guy must really know me well)
YM; "Well I'm looking for waterfront home in Miami where I can put my boat"
Me; "Ok, lets see are we looking for Condo or Single Family?"
YM; "Doesn't matter, just need dock space for my boat; I'm going to do the Islands"
Me; "Alright, so how much dockage do you need (and here I show off my vast knowledge of things Nautical and bust out the sailing lingo, dropping all sorts of "west marine" terms).
Open Fish, Crusier, tuna tower, how much do you draw, in's or outs..etc (BTW all of these are legitimate questions as I am trying to ascertain the Yachtsman's needs and what type of water front he can use).
I don't want to assume anything, so I ask a generic boat question.
Me again; "So what are we looking at, something like a 30' open fish?"
YM; "Oh No, its at least 100ft, I want to cruise the Islands"
Me (under my breath); "Holy Shit"
Me Again; "Well then we are going to need open water and single family"
Me; "What kind of "Yacht" do you own? (more boat lingo)"
YM; "Oh I don't own one yet, I'm in the market for one"
So we are looking for a home (that you don't own) for a Boat (that you don't own)....
And now the real fun begins.........
Me; "So you don't have the boat now?"
YM; "No, do you know anybody that sells them"
Now I'm also in the boat business.
ME; "I hear Tiger Woods might want to unload his."
YM; "Huh"
Now you just know how this is going to end cause as of now I have not asked the magic question out of genuine "Miami" courtesy......But now I have to go for the gold.
Me; "So, what price range you looking at?"
YM; "Max 200k"
Me; "For the dock rental right"
YM; "Huh"
Me; "I'm sorry, your breaking up on me.....and I start to make crackling sounds into my phone"
Moral of the story?
I answer my phone and chat with folks even when I know the ending....feel free to give me a call!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I give up....
Since my last encounter with PNT, I have decided that I am not returning to sports therapy and after serious consideration, I have realized that the original Orthopaedic Dude was correct......I'm just old!
So in typical Male Cuban hardheadedness I have decided to "Self Medicate" and begin a series of exercises to strengthen my Hip/Butt regions.....
Not really, after hearing me bitch about the pain, PNT gave me 2 green bands, a paper with some exercise routines and told me to grow a pair....whatever that means.
BTW; It's working, feeling lots better.
So in typical Male Cuban hardheadedness I have decided to "Self Medicate" and begin a series of exercises to strengthen my Hip/Butt regions.....
Not really, after hearing me bitch about the pain, PNT gave me 2 green bands, a paper with some exercise routines and told me to grow a pair....whatever that means.
BTW; It's working, feeling lots better.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Hey I forgot.........
My Palm Tree!
Another Classic in my long history of selling properties.
You all remember the Sellers Mom who decided to do laundry in the home AFTER they had closed on the home (read it here), well we had a first last week.
We close on a listing (forget that the sellers replaced the washer prior to closing) and all good until the Seller returns several days later with a Backhoe ready to go in backyard and remove a palm.
Really?
No Really?
What part of "Closed sale" did you miss there kiddo?
Fortunately we also had the Buyers side and were able to "Save the Palm" from relocation.
Never a dull day in My Magic City!
Another Classic in my long history of selling properties.
You all remember the Sellers Mom who decided to do laundry in the home AFTER they had closed on the home (read it here), well we had a first last week.
We close on a listing (forget that the sellers replaced the washer prior to closing) and all good until the Seller returns several days later with a Backhoe ready to go in backyard and remove a palm.
Really?
No Really?
What part of "Closed sale" did you miss there kiddo?
Fortunately we also had the Buyers side and were able to "Save the Palm" from relocation.
Never a dull day in My Magic City!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I T what?
Day three of therapy and the grand realization!!!
After a couple of days running/working out, I head back in to the "Sports Clinic" with a new limp.
After the usual warm up, I mention that I have a new pain unrelated to the old pain that they gave me and it hurts like hell. They give me a quick "Feel" and determine that it's my Gluteus-maximus (medical term for my BUTT) and that they need to work on it (and not in a good way)
So again, PNT jumps on the table, begins to give me a wedgie and than literally "Kicks my Ass"
But the best is yet to come.
Afterward a young intern has the honor of lazering my new butt bruise; this is as close as a young girl has been to my butt in MANY years, I on the other hand am thrilled!!!
BTW; I think she took a picture and put it on her twitter account (or at least that's my story).
After a couple of days running/working out, I head back in to the "Sports Clinic" with a new limp.
After the usual warm up, I mention that I have a new pain unrelated to the old pain that they gave me and it hurts like hell. They give me a quick "Feel" and determine that it's my Gluteus-maximus (medical term for my BUTT) and that they need to work on it (and not in a good way)
So again, PNT jumps on the table, begins to give me a wedgie and than literally "Kicks my Ass"
But the best is yet to come.
Afterward a young intern has the honor of lazering my new butt bruise; this is as close as a young girl has been to my butt in MANY years, I on the other hand am thrilled!!!
BTW; I think she took a picture and put it on her twitter account (or at least that's my story).
Friday, July 8, 2011
I T Band, part 2
Not being one to give up easily, i return to the psycho ninja therapist (PNT) for another go.
Same MO; Table, stretch, heat, AHHHHH.
Again I regain Consciousness and PNT states "your loosening up"
I on the other hand hurt like hell
PNT; "see ya in a couple of days"
Me limping; "yeah, whatever"
To be continued.
Same MO; Table, stretch, heat, AHHHHH.
Again I regain Consciousness and PNT states "your loosening up"
I on the other hand hurt like hell
PNT; "see ya in a couple of days"
Me limping; "yeah, whatever"
To be continued.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Ouch!
Ok, so now I need Therapy for my Sports Therapy!
So after checking in and meeting my sweet therapist (or so I thought), they assign you a padded table/bed and the therapy begins.
It starts out all nice and they give you a couple of stretching exercises and then some heat pads and they lull you into thinking "This is great, I get to lie down in the middle of the day and nap".
AND that's when it happens.
Out of no where (like a ninja) the sweet therapist goes PSYCHO and starts to beat the crap out of my "I T" Band.
I mean, she is literally standing on the table and pressing/elbowing (like Dusty Rhodes) and kneeing me. (and not in a good way) until I'm crying and begging for mercy.
After I regain consciousness, she smiles sweetly at me and states the obvious "Gee, you are tight"
No Shit, that's why I here.
Well now psycho ninja therapist recommends some home stretching, another appointment and sends me on my way..........limping.
To be continued.
So after checking in and meeting my sweet therapist (or so I thought), they assign you a padded table/bed and the therapy begins.
It starts out all nice and they give you a couple of stretching exercises and then some heat pads and they lull you into thinking "This is great, I get to lie down in the middle of the day and nap".
AND that's when it happens.
Out of no where (like a ninja) the sweet therapist goes PSYCHO and starts to beat the crap out of my "I T" Band.
I mean, she is literally standing on the table and pressing/elbowing (like Dusty Rhodes) and kneeing me. (and not in a good way) until I'm crying and begging for mercy.
After I regain consciousness, she smiles sweetly at me and states the obvious "Gee, you are tight"
No Shit, that's why I here.
Well now psycho ninja therapist recommends some home stretching, another appointment and sends me on my way..........limping.
To be continued.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I T Band...."on the run"...
And it needs a drummer.
How does this relate to Real Estate you ask?
Well I need mine to be loose so that I can get out of my car to do showings, that's how!
What?
My IT band (something that runs from my butt to my knee) hurts like hell and gives me a limp like "The Duke" (John Wayne, for those of you born after the internets) and MUST be stretched, or so said my Orthopaedic dude.
BTW; this news was better then the last time when Orthopaedic dude told me "you are just OLD".
Well MUST = Physical Therapy with a "Sports Therapist" (Wow! now I'm an athlete.) so I get a prescription (did not know I needed one) and off I go.
To be continued..........
How does this relate to Real Estate you ask?
Well I need mine to be loose so that I can get out of my car to do showings, that's how!
What?
My IT band (something that runs from my butt to my knee) hurts like hell and gives me a limp like "The Duke" (John Wayne, for those of you born after the internets) and MUST be stretched, or so said my Orthopaedic dude.
BTW; this news was better then the last time when Orthopaedic dude told me "you are just OLD".
Well MUST = Physical Therapy with a "Sports Therapist" (Wow! now I'm an athlete.) so I get a prescription (did not know I needed one) and off I go.
To be continued..........
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