Craig's List Realtors.......

Get your own Damn Listings and leave mine alone!

Folks, If you go on Craig's list and see a place listed by someone and you call and that person and they have no clue as to what you are talking about, hang up.

I'm tired of "agents" posting my listing as theirs and then calling me to show "their" listings.

The best part is when they see me, they come up and shake my hand like I'm their customer since they have never met their "own" customer.

I usually play along just to see what happens.

Craig's List Realtor; "Hi, Preston (like I look like a Preston), my name is Clueless nice to meet you".

Preston (Jav in disguise); "Hi, Clueless the pleasure is mine"

CLR; "I called the agent and he said that he would meet us here, I guess he's late"

P(JD); "No worries, can you tell me about the place while we wait"

CLR; "well I've never been inside but I hear it's nice"

P(JD); "Cool, we'll wait"

And we wait, and wait cause most of the times "Preston" does not show up and the CLR is left out in the cold.

I do feel a bit sorry for them but if they are trolling Craig's List, they really should be doing some thing else.

Shaving is bad....

Why you ask?

Here goes; been a little Rut (feeling beige as I like to call it) and decided to make a change.

Nothing big, just shave whatever I got going on my face and as soon as the blade hit the skin, the following transpires:

"Caca happens"

"I lose"

"You say tomato"

In short, three deals went to hell in a matter of minutes.


BTW; I no longer own a shaver.

Greatest Hits!!!!!!

Been awhile, so here is the condensed version of past post to come....Huh?


I LOST!

Caca happens....

Shaving is bad

You say Tomato,

Friday the 13

Damn it's Hot

If you want cool

Caulking anyone?

Shit Kickers R us

Cheap Dough

Real Real Estate post

Caca happens

or not...Ah the glamour of being a Realtor.

Yeah, you see all of those shows on Cable TV and the Realtors are rolling with celebrities and discussing updated kitchens and baths.

What they don't discuss is what happens in those really nice bathrooms.....like bathroom "stuff " and where all that "stuff" ends up in.

In this great town that we call Mee-am-mi, there are alot of areas that use septic tanks to hold the "stuff" until the "stuff" is ready to be pumped out and disposed of......and here, I have no clue as to where this special place is (but it does smell like some SK's).

So one of the highlights of selling a home in this great town is the septic tank inspection......and what one might find.

It's a special moment when the septic dudes open the lid and pronounce with great pride......"yep there's "stuff" in there, want to pump it"?

But when you hear "oh, this "stuff" don't look good" then prepare to spend 10k to get your "stuff" a new home.

BTW; I've seen enough "stuff" to gag a mule....among other things.

I LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok ,so remember the "I won" Short Sale post?

Well I didn't!

After working my magic to get it approved the Buyers decided that they did not want to buy it.....whats a little spalling and bad roof among friends?

Now normally I would write all sorts of nasty things about the buyers BUT in this case they were my buyers, so I can't write nada....plus they know where I live (and read this blog).

Oh well, it's listed again and away we go.....

You say tomato,

I say WTF!

Working a deal and all is going a bit to well, so you just know something is about to go Boom.

This Boom was special as it involved square footage that you could physically touch (walls/windows/floor/roof/electrical) but since it did not have something you could not touch (Air conditioning) the lovely appraiser decided not to include it in his calculations.

The County has all of the square footage on it's tax rolls and it's making sure that it's getting the Physical and meta physical taxed to the nuts.

The current survey has the same.

The previous appraisal has the same.

Apparently the current appraiser measures in metric........

So for now, we're 60k a part and this deal is dead.

but wait it gets better....

When I review the Appraisers wonderful work, he has given me a 228 sq ft value but has deducted 310 sq ft in physical living space.....in short he's shorted me 70k in value

Now, when I point this out to Mr. Appraiser, he goes on and on about the fact that the space in question does not have A/C and that he can only give it a certain value and that's that.

(Appraiser, they have special people skills)

But me being who I am, decide that this appraiser is going to lose a couple of nights sleep (just like the Seller/Buyer are) and ask one simple question.....

So Mr. Appraiser, what you are telling me is that if I remove the sliders (less than a 1000 bucks) or put in an A/C vent (less than 1000 bucks)you will give me 70,000 in value and in all actuality the Buyer is getting a great deal?

Crickets........

Friday the 13th

And she's flying first class.....way to go Hon!

Caulking anyone?

Think your job is exciting, try this on the 28th floor.

Picture this:

There you are reseraching something important online (like lady Gaga and a giraffe), when all of a sudden you hear a tap on you window..........AHHHH!!!!!!!!!

If you want cool

Get ready to pay for it.

I get this all the time, goes something like this:

"Hey Jav, looking for something really cool"

Jav; "OK, tell me more?"

Cool person; "You know, an updated 3/2, 2000 sq ft, pool, garage....for 400k"

Jav; "Cool, have you looked in Indiana?"

CP; "Huh"

J; "No really, have you?"....

Folks Cool cost dough; so when you try and price Cool, get ready to pay a nice hefty premium.

Why?
Cause you know....it's Cool.

Damn its hot!

Day 41 in the "Holy shit, I said I would run how long"?


Losing some weight, gaining a nice tan but it's Hot out here in SoBe.....and not in a good way as in "oh baby, your so hot" more like "F#$%^ it's hotter than hell out here"

While I promote a healthy lifestyle that involves lots of exercise, good balanced diet and lots of single malt scotch......this is insane.

Only saving grace is that we get a nice sea breeze.

keep ya posted...

Shit kickers R us

So what is a shit kicker you ask?
Well to qualify as an "Official" SK you must...and in no particular order have the following:

No to appliances
No to light fixtures
No to a Realtor
No to A/C equipment
No to financing

Yes to County liens
Yes to special smells
Yes to "extra, bonus" rooms
Yes to roof issues
Yes to exotic lawns

But most importantly, Yes to "US" helping you buy one of these.

We're actually pretty good at it, give us a shout

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!

BOA finally gave in and approved (for the second time) one of my deals.

Now all I have to do is convince the boneheads on the other deal that they are NUTS about value.

Oh and I have another deal that if it happens will make these two look like a cake walk.

Keep ya posted.

BTW, noticed how Colin went away....but there is still an outside chance with a new little disturbance.

Here we go again....

If it's August, (and it is) it must be " Oh Shit, there's another one out there".

You may thank me for this one, as I do not want Ana to travel to New York without me.

Background;

Since I have decided to Run like a psycho for a zillion days in a row, I cannot accompany my wife on a little work trip to the big apple.

Every time she goes it's great, she works and I................Don't.

Pretty good deal if you ask me.

She's not to thrilled to be going on her own, so she asked me what I could do about it.

Went something like this;

Ana; "why are you not going?"

Me; "I have to run"

A; "No you don't"

M; "yes I do, I committed"

A; "NO, you should be COMMITTED"

M; "huh?"

A; "well what are you going to do about it?"

M; "How about a Hurricane?"

A; "OK but not too close"

M; "Done"

So here you go folks, TD 4 soon to become Hurricane Colin...