2 more to go......

Tip 2 and one of my favorites.

Every time a Hurricane approaches they tell you to stock up and of course buy lots of bottled water....HUH.

You head over to the local store and there ain't no water.....Damn, here's a secret.

Last I checked if the electricity goes off.....the tap still works; so turn it on, you'll be amazed at how fresh water still comes out.

BTW; stop buying bottled water, it's all BS, plus you miss out on fluoride and your kids teeth come out all messed up, plus the fact your are f@#$% up nature by throwing away a shitload of plastic.

# 200

Not tip but post.

OK this is the best tip that you will get about preping for a storm.

CUT BACK YOUR TREES, CAUSE IF YOU DON"T "LISA" WILL!!!!!!!!

If you have palms; castrate them, nothing major just get rid of the "Nuts".

If you have Oaks/Mahogany's/Banyan's/Poincianas/etc; air them out, let the winds blow "Through" them not "ON" them.

If you have branches overhanging your roof lines, trim them back.

If you have Exotics (and you know who you are) well you are screwed!

Do it now, not 3 days before a storm.....then all you did was create little missiles that will force me to implement the "Javi Plan".....which as I have explained, will cause complete havoc.

The wrong stuff..

No tip in 3, just a commentary.........gee what a surprise.

Remember needy Monday?
Well one of my favorite "needies" called me to ask about what I thought about impact windows?

Now they knew the answer already, but being Monday they felt "what the hell, let's drive Jav crazy" and they did and so began my yearly rant on impact Windows/Doors.

It goes something like this:
This product is the result of some fabulous marketing (a little like the alarm companies) in an effort to scare the crap out of you into purchasing something for the wrong reasons.

I love impact windows/doors for 2 qualities, noise control (GREAT) and security (GREAT) but not for Hurricanes........irrelevant.

Noise Control; love these babies, put them up don't hear a sound (highly recommend them in Doral, where the city motto should read "home of the flight paths")

Security; they are a bitch to break into.

Hurricanes; why?
Because something might hit them you say..............and?

BTW; and? will lead into the most important tip (tomorrow)

The right stuff...............Worry about your roof, that is what is most exposed in a storm....and the insurance folks know this.

Ok, now where was I?

Everyone is now getting on board with this Hurricane thing.

Just got an email from "Anonymous" updating me on the names of this years storms.

Alex, Bonnie, Colin, Danielle, Earl, Fiona, Gaston, Hermine, Igor, Julia, Karl, Lisa, Matthew, Nicole, Otto, Paula, Richard, Shary, Tomas, Virginie, Walter.......

Now while they have concerns about Earl & Otto; I on the other hand tend to favor the "sweet" names like Julia and Lisa......they ain't called Her-ricanes for nothing.

So tip 5;

Avoid Julia and Lisa!!!

And maybe "Fiona"; she is married to a big green Ogre.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

They started before I could finish my 10 tips.

Yesterday I was working out at the strange hour of daytime TV (who watches this crap?) and on came the weather and they were ALREADY starting with a "potential" low pressure system building somewhere in China......

Then not to be out done, the herald (god bless them) runs this as "BREAKING NEWS"

and sure enough they quote the dude from Colorado.....told ya

I was in the ladies swimsuit gig when I was younger (true story) and this is starting to remind me of "swimwear sale" break, every year it got moved up.....

Well here is the South Florida version of it, get used to it; it will run all the way through November...unless of course...

Needy Mondays.......

Ok,
So now I know what all you do on the weekends.........You think of things for me to do on Monday mornings!!!

Today the calls started coming in at 7:49 am, then...
8:00
8:10
8:23
8:31
8:44

A small breather and off we went at 9am........till you all got tired of me at sometime around 7:30pm.

The other day I was talking with some folks and they asked me how they could get into this gig.
They said that I always looked relaxed and happy (I did not tell them, its BC I drink) and they felt that it looked like something they could do part time.

Part time?

No, this is a gig that to be good at you have to be on call 24/7/365 (on line) and easily 12hrs a day.
We full times know when we are dealing with the PT's when....

Calls go unanswered until after 5pm
Showings are scheduled with no time allowance or in the middle of the night.
All showings on weekends/after 5pm
Owners show their listings during the day

So while I might look really relaxed.....I work real hard at it.

To Shutter or not to Shutter....

Ah, the age old question as when to put up storm shutters?

This depends on your tolerance of TV Weather experts and/or your own "self worth".

But a simple guide;

If your on the Coast line or in a Condo, I highly recommend it but if you are off the coast and in a Single Family, well it becomes a bit of a gray area.

This gray area usually coincides with your level of testosterone and or lack there of.

I have the "Javi Plan" and it has worked out quite well for me over the years; accept for Hurricane Andrew.....which I caused.....more on this later (tip 1)

The "Javi Plan" consist of gathering as much info as possible from all the pros and then making a rash decision 2 hrs prior to the storm hitting.

It's the Miami way and has been in practice since some idiot decided to build a home in this great swamp and wondered what all the fuss was about.

No really it's more scientific then that; it involves what the category of the storm is, where it's heading and how much scotch is in the house.

I have customers that actually drive by and see if I am implementing the plan, if I am.......panic ensues.

If I'm outside drinking a single malt, relax it's not up to a Cat 4 yet...

Don't Panic!!!!

Tip 6.........

Hurricanes are big but they can not hit EVERYWHERE!!!!

Lesson learned during Hurricane Andrew.

Kendall Blew up, Hialeah was up and running the next day and everything above that was just fine.

So folks; don't freak, just prepare and you have plenty of time to do so...SO DO SO!!!!

Reservations....

Make some......in Colorado just in case.

True trick, all the Tourist areas come back on line sooner then the rest of us.
So if you can score a place on SoBe (this is of course if it is not underwater), you can usually find a place with A/C...... which is more important the food or water in August.

Number 7

Tip 8

Ok, this is a real one.

Now is a good time to review your insurance policy and after doing so, if you still have no clue as to what you just read.......join the club.

Insurance companies do this on purpose so they can soak you (hurricane pun).

There are a lot of options available to you to lower your premiums and still get the right coverage, ask you agent to review your policy.

Look for discounts (multi policies, mediation, replacement cost), but my very favorite is deductibles.....the higher the better.

Now for those who know me (I'm sorry) you know I'm not a big believer in insurance companies.
It's a nice racket and they have all the numbers/variables covered, a little like the banking gig.

Hell if you want to know how long your going to live take out a life insurance policy, they have you dying exactly at the right date.

sorry I ramble....

Check your policy, look at your home and get informed.

Stuff Flies....

Tip 9; Be kind to your neighbors and put away stuff that can fly.

And I don't mean like my mother in law (she has her own broom, a Ninbus 3000) but lawn furniture, pots, plants, garden Gnomes; even if the are of the travelocity kind.

Years ago they use to say throw them in the pool....DON'T, it will really mess up your pool finish; plus you'll have to fish them out after the storm; just put them away.

Live in a condo? Have a balcony?

Really, take stuff off the balcony; stuff really flies at high altitude.

In short if you can pick it up....Pick it up and move it inside.

AH we are ALL going to Die!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, just getting you ready for Hurricane season.

Yes it's almost here and soon we will have all the local weather people (cause I can't spell Meteorologist) looking grave and concerned on the tube.

It will start by them telling you what type of "Season" we will have and it will sound something like this:

Well we are currently in a "El Nina" year which typically means that we are in for a wet season but since there is a chance that a short "El Nino" will meet with a "Tu Madre" upper level low we could see one hell of a "Papi Chulo" season........

In short they have no Freaking clue.

Oh and they always quote some dude in Colorado; Colorado, what the hell do they know about Hurricanes......NADA.

Well, he'll come on and start by saying and I quote "well I'm expecting an active season with 17 name storms with 4 being classified as major"

Which sounds pretty impressive if t wasn't for the fact that it's like saying "it's going to rain in Kendall every afternoon this Summer"........

No Shit!

So as a public service and starting today I will give you my top ten "tips" to surviving the Season starting with;

TIP 10: Take whatever the weather people say, divide it by 3 and that's what you should prepare for, most of them are just pretty and hope to end up on a soap opera.

So stop watching "newbies" running to Home depot to buy plywood and water (oh don't get me started with buying WATER) and use this site (it's on my favorites list) they will keep you informed without the Drama.

WWW.NOAA.GOV

But for Drama, stay tuned......

Pictures and Jade....

After 26 years married, that's what I have to get Ana....

Working on both, not doing a very good job at it.

Well today I tried to take a day off with my wife, except I had a Realtor who JUST wanted to keep tormenting me about a contract condition.....while they were on vacation.

What part of I'm not working did you miss?
What part of your vacation did you miss?

Folks, relax we ain't saving lives here....

Senator Gonzalez?

So after much consideration; I decided that I was not ready to Run for the US Senate....that and the fact that I could not find the entry form on line.

I camethisclose to joining the fray for the vacant seat that will be filled by either a tan dude, a semi tan dude and a really tan dude.

So after some deep introspection I felt that I did not bring any new "Tan" into the field.

I figured that after my failed attempt at the "local" level, what the hell run right to the top....

Ana said NO!

and that was all she wrote for my political future.

So rest easy kiddies, your friendly neighborhood Realtor will continue his mission to assist all willing and able buyers/sellers in the art we call Real Estate!