OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

She has a sister!

This is one hard working family.

Ok, what does this have to do with Real Estate?

Zip, we just think it's funny......

How come we only speak to foreign speaking folks when we want to "chat" but all the pictures are blond white chicks?

Oh, and BTW the tax credit ended today......but did it really?

No really, did it?

Terrorist confirmed..........

In Hollywood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember that condo I just closed on?
Remember the Canadians?
Remember the Condo board requiring a background check?
Remember how "righteous" they were?

Well maybe they should have done a background check on themselves.................

God how I love this town

"Condo president arrested"

HA,
Terrorist go back to Canada....it's safer!

Do you know this girl?

I'm very worried for her, as I feel she is over worked.......

I mean she is live chatting ALL OVER the Internet.

Yesterday I'm in one of my BOA REO site and there she is wanting to Chat.

I go to a stainless company from Italy...and there she is wanting to Chat.

I search for some scooter parts from China....and you guess it; she Chats in Chinese.

My god; this girl does not sleep, she is always available and apparently speaks many languages.

I'm worried sick for her.

THE WORST SHOWING..........

of my life.

Now I have known a lot of dumb Sellers but today's Sellers have won top honors.

One of the KEY'S and I mean KEY'S in Real Estate, is that Sellers DO NOT show their own properties (unless.... see future post).

This goes with the age old adage "he who represents himself, represents a fool"

Well today I had the pleasure of one of those "special" moments where the seller felt that they had it covered AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I have been working a deal for months and in one small swoop....there goes my retirement fund!

It went like this:

Me; "Hi, I want to show your listing this afternoon; can I have the lockbox/alarm code again?"

Seller; "No, we'll be more then happy to show it".

Me; No really, no need to ruin your Sunday afternoon".

Seller; "No it's our home and we want to show it".

Me; No, I can do this on my own, really".

Seller; No, we are showing it and that's that.

Me; f@#$%^ there goes my retirement!!!

Sure enough, here we go.......

Seller's show up, looks Me and my folks up & down like we are some alien life form (if you don't remember, I work in shorts) and as we are walking the property, one of the Sellers says and I quote.

"they can't afford this home, they are not going to buy it"

And that's when my retirement fund went...poooooof!

I've been selling since I was 14 years old and the first thing I learned is "don't judge a book by it's cover" (remember pretty woman?) and I have been quite successful there after.

So, Mr. & Ms Seller's please keep your mouth shut when I show your property.

You might think you know it all, but really you don't.....

In short, how many homes have you sold in your lifetime?

Well I do that many in a week.

BTW; the other dude in shorts at the showing is LOADED!!!!

RIGHTER'S BLOCK....

Like in my "Right" hand was refusing to type.

For those that have seen me type, you know that I employ the "Hunt & Peck" method preferred by Pre Historic man.

Pre Historic as in "I'm not taking typing class, that's for girls"

If you are of my generation (Cuban and a bit slow), you know that we DID NOT take typing classes in JR. High........ah JR High, where girls developed (they took typing) and we "Guys" basically peaked.........

Yes it's been a while since I have typed and lots has happened, so this post is to alert you that I will be "righting" about 12 entries that I will back date to keep the timeline, that "Right" kiddies I'm keeping it real in the 305.

The Redemption.......

So this new admin is starting to show her true spirit.

After dealing with the Canadian Terrorist threat to Hollywood, she got a thank you note from all parties involved in the transaction.

One of the folks was especially smitten by her charms stating and I quote "You were a true bright spot in a difficult transaction"

She immediately asked for a raise........

Ashes to Ashes....

Dust to Dust.....

Ok if you need any more proof that I control "natural" catastrophes (damn that's a big word) here's more proof.

Remember that recent little "burp" that stopped all air traffic in Europe?

Yup, it was me.

I had this listing forever and I finally have someone who is perfect for the home.
The Customer loves it, spends an hour on site, takes pictures, asks the agent all the right questions....I mean this home is "SOLD"!!!!!!!!

Until the magic words are spoken, "Well my wife she is in Paris and will be here tomorrow"





BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a baby house...

After a successful pregnancy (9 month short sale), my Buyers gave birth to a bubbling baby Town Home.

This 2 bed/2 bath bundle of joy has big eyes (windows/doors) no hair (tile floors) and all of her parts (stainless appliances)......

She will be sleeping/eating/pooping in one of the coolest places in Kendall (yes, I do sell out there), this little piece of heaven is located in a hard wood hammock (very rare for the Everglades....) and I'm very happy for them.

C/C..Congrats.

PAY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 closing in one day, yup rolling in the dough.


HAHAHAHA

Anyone that is actually selling Real Estate knows that a closing does not equal dough.

The most dreaded words to a starving Realtor "we have not funded yet".

So out of the 4 planned closings;

2 closed with no dough.
1 postponed due to Condo Cammandos
1 have no clue...it's a short sale

So, sorry IRS....."no soup for you".

Terrorist from the north!!!!!!

OMG, we are being threaten by a new wave of terrorism that the Dick Cheney did not warn me about..............Canadians!!!!!!!

Ok,

We all know they can't drive, say "EH" alot, like Hockey and are pretty funny (Stephen Colbert) but I was not aware that they were a terrorist threat to Hollywood Florida.

Well apparently they are!

Working on one of those special rare deals where everyone is on board and there are absolutely NO issues.

Slam dunk, cash, close tomorrow, everyone is as happy as "pigs in caca" until the dreaded CONDO approval.

Now if you have never had the pleasure of having to sit in front of a complete moron (condo president) and be "Interviewed".................go to Arizona but I digress......

So these "Canadians" are ready to go until someone on the board decides that every "New" unit owner must get a police report....from Canada!

Key word here is "New", as in an actual new sale in this building, as in this is the first sale in this building in like over a decade, like in this is the type of building were there is an EMT station on site, like as in heavens waiting room, like in WHAT THE HELL is this condo board thinking!

They need "New" blood like, like....I was going to make a "Twilight" reference but lost my train of thought....just like all those board members.

April Fools Day

As in Jav you are a fool.

Why do I know this?
Well outside of the abundant obvious reasons; I think my new admin is playing me.

She's all and I quote "Sunshine and Happy" but she only works like 2 hrs, comes in late, always has a sick kid, drives a lame rental and is trying to change all of my web presence to n0 avail.

In short (and she is) so far she is entertainment but since she is purchasing a home from me I must keep her around...for now.