4 wheel drive

Hell, any wheel drive.

I had this great plan when leaving Sundance; I would dress to Miami standards, as I would only be out in the weather for a couple of minutes at a time (room to car, car to airport, etc)

HAHAHAHA....................

Took a nice hot shower, pour a hot cup of coffee and packed all my stuff and ran out to the car.
Beeped the trunk open, jumped in the car and fired that puppy up....all 4 cylinders of Japanese power (where's a Toyota petal, when you need one?) and NADA!!!!!!!!

Right tire good, left tire.....not so good.

Right tire ON the ice......Left tire...IN the ice.

Oh and did I mention we had a flight to catch?

But wait it gets better, it was 9 degrees outside.......

So after some casual domestic conversation as in "you Idiot, I told you we should have put some salt down", which led to "hey, I grew up in Cuba" which flowed into ......and I hate this one...."I TOLD YOU SO"

And you know...she did.

Well after applying salt, some serious shoveling and my brilliant use of the front door mat we were able to get those 4 cylinders going in the right direction...to the airport.

Note to self; next time a big ass truck with 4 wheel drive...even if I have no clue as to how to use it!

FELT UP!!!!!!

The one you have been waiting for................

Knowing that I would have the "hands" of another woman on me in the afternoon, I decided to do everything I was told today....just to be safe.

Ana wanted to ski; Check!
Ana wanted to shop; Check!
Ana wanted to go to Park City; Check!

Jav wanted a massage; CHECK!!!!!!!!!

So after two years, I returned to the scene of the crime..my first massage; and being a "pro", I peed before I got there because....................

THEY PUT MY FEET IN WARM WATER AGAIN!!!!!

No really, I came with a knot in my left shoulder the size of "12 SHORT SALES, 5 REO'S and a failed SEPTIC TANK in a pear tree" and my masseuse was ready.

After some small talk (this happens when you are faced down in a little round pillow and are mumbling answers) she decided to get down to business and apply all of her weight down on my "right " shoulder.

After"Dusty Rhodeing" my back for an hour she asked me to turnover and this is when it got good......

She said and I quote "let me work your "PECS"'

OH MY GOD, I HAVE PECS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW; After the pain subsided I felt great.

April,
Thanks for putting up with me and good luck on your upcoming marathon run.

Night Skiing??????????

Now that we were pros at daytime skiing, we decided to do some night time skiing.

If I can give you any advice on this topic; it’s DON”T ski at night, stay at home it’s safer.

Apparently at night all of the “twilight” crowd hits the slope; “Twilight” as in “young” and “young” as in…………………

PSYCHO SNOW BOARDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These kids are pretty scary during the day…but at night they transform into “Lycans”.

Screaming down the hill as if the full moon was affecting their “hormones” (I have a great joke about that), shredding the hill as they call it and causing me to swivel my head like Linda Blair in the exorcist.

BUT wait it gets better……………

Since they only open one lift, that means there are lines and lines mean 4, FOUR, yes, Quattro to a lift chair.

Which means I have to ride up with Ana……….

First time up, we rode with a father/son tandem and dad was all “yada yada” and we were “holy shit”, we are about to traumatize this kid for life.

Well we mustard up all of our inner “Jean Claude Killey” and dismounted without a hitch saving the young lad from sure future “ski issues”.

Did 2 runs, called it a night and I have pics to prove it.

Hey I can Ski......

First day on the slope which means only one thing…….SKI LESSON!!!!

If I’m going to ski off a cliff (which you can do here, see pic) at least I want to have good form.

After getting fitted for the beginners ski package (read I’m never getting off the bunny slope) we signed up for lessons with a studley (just in case he reads this) teacher by the name of Bruce, he was very nice but obviously had never taught folks like us.

He asked if we had skied before and we replied “YES!!!!!!!!!” so he immediately took us up a hill to “check out our form”, what he never asked was could we get off a chair lift???

Now if you have never skied before, getting to the run requires defining gravity; which means positioning yourself on a ramp with ski’s/poles and sitting down on an open chair lift as it hits your backside.

This chair will “lift” you to your preferred choice of death……..I mean Ski run, which are color code for your convenience.

Green; if you fall, you live.
Blue; if you fall, you will need some medical attention.
Black; if you fall you deserve ALL of the pain you will be in.
DOUBLE, BLACK, DIAMOND; if you fall, no worries death is instantaneous.

Well we being “beginners” we went up to the first green run and as we approached the dismount hill; yes you have to dismount the comfy chair lift, that’s when I REALLY impressed Bruce.

To dismount all you have to do is wait for the chair to get to the ramp, sit up, place skis on snow and let the chair “gently” push you down the hill.

My wife has her own technique; which involves putting her ski poles in-between my skis causing me to dodge her poles or else fall flat on my face…..

Over the years I have “protected” myself by riding on another lift and giving Ana to some other unsuspecting male skier……they are like’ Hey there baby”, but don’t suspect that their skiing days are over.

BUT

Since we were taking lessons I had to ride up with her and Bruce and of course I was in the middle, which meant I was screwed.

To make a short story long, I found out that I was a better skier then I thought.

As I gallantly waited until Ana and Bruce had cleared the “dismount” area, I than made my impressive “dismount”…….unfortunately it was after the Chair had cleared the “dismount” area and I “dismounted” into thin air……(the Russian judge gave me a 6.5)

Bruce promptly took me up to the DOUBLE, BLACK, DIAMOND death run……………..

FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you’re willing to wait forever………

Every once in awhile we travel and when we do I try to use all of the miles that I have acquired throughout the years (at one time I had enough to go to the moon).

Well we are off to Sundance for a little skiing and relaxation..

Not really, I want to rub elbows with poor indie film makers, eat huge breakfasts and get “felt up” by another woman.

Yeah I know you don’t care about the skiing/films/food…….all you care about is “FELT UP”.

True story;
A couple of years ago I surprised Ana with a little trip to Sundance and it included a “MASSAGE” for the both of us.

Now me being a REAL MAN (meaning Neanderthal) I had NEVER had a real Massage (fake ones yes, I am a guy) and went in without a clue as to what would transpire.

They started by placing my famous toes in a warm bath (which made me want to pee) and play tranquil music to help me relax….with only made me want to pee more.

After peeing; they placed me in a room and a young lady came in and started to feel me up in a “massage” way……..
Which means she took a meat tenderizing hammer and began whacking her way through 46 years of MAN toughness…….I cried like a little girl.

But, I’m ready for this one, keep ya posted (it’s Thursday).

What’s this got to do with Free?
Nothing but I’m sitting in the Dallas airport (BIG) and typing this entry because after waking up at 4am to catch a flight to said airport our connecting flight and luggage leaves in 4hrs……we hope.

Movers and Shakers....

And you know who you are.

I know that most folks don’t think the average Realtor is the sharpest tool in the shed…..but I ain’t your average Realtor; don’t you read the blog?

So, every time I hear this phrase “Listen, I don’t want to beat around the bush”; I know I’m in for some serious “BUSH BEATING”.

They usually take me off to the side, put their hands on my shoulder and utter the “Phrase”

Now I get that some folks love to negotiate (I used to sell oriental carpets as a kid) and get off on the back and forth…….I don’t.

Especially when you lead in with that “Phrase”; all that you are telling me is that you really like the place but can’t afford it.

So do yourselves a favor when buying Real estate; get a good agent, that way you really won’t “beat around the bush”

2 AM Epiphany......Part 2

Ok, dealt with the home visits at 2am, now we’ll deal with imaginary customers and their imaginary problems.

During my month long charity insanity (better known as Raven Run’s), I met lot’s of cool folks.
One of them is “All American”.

Yes, he is an All American (track), tall, fit, good looking and… American; does that make me an All Cuban???

All American (AA) also happens to be in the mortgage gig, now he does not want to take credit for the mortgage crisis but I’m sure he was somewhat involved; why else would you leave Malibu for SoBe?

So we get to talking about our business, he mentions that he also wakes up at 2am (and not to pee) worried about deals that are not happening…..and this is when it gets interesting.

The following day, I mention that I had woken up concerned “that a customer of mine could not close because he (AA) had not been able to get me financed”.

He (AA) said “that I had not provided enough documentation to get the deal approved through the FHA”.

I said “that was not true, I had provided the required docs and we were going to lose the deal”.

He (AA) Said “No Jav, remember that your customer is Nigerian and we could not prove the funds”

I said “But AA, you know these guys always come thru”……………..

Truth is we both woke up worried about a customer and transaction that did not exist, yet we both felt we needed to get the deal done.

Folks, we are wired differently, when all is good we look for problems…it’s just who we are….and you want us on your side.

All American, CONGRATS on your 100th run. (Troublemaker pay up yet?)

2 AM Epiphany........Part 1

OK, this is why I KNOW I'm a damn good Realtor!!!!!!

How many of you have:

Visited empty homes at 2 am?

"Made up" customer problems?

SOLVED "Made Up" customer problems?

Oh, and taught a spin class.......................All at 2AM, while asleep!!!!!

HA, I have.

True Stories:
Visited homes at 2am;
I had a listing and we had the floors redone ,so we left the windows open to air out the rooms. Now this went on for a couple of days and after the floors dried, well I went in and shut the windows.
BUT at 2am one evening the following week it started to rain like hell and just knowing that I had left the "Windows Open" I got in the car and drove to the home to make sure that the windows were closed.........they were.

Now this 2 am thing is contagious because a couple of months later, we had just finished an inspection and sure enough Erica had a 2am epiphany.
Hers was "Damn the inspector did not turn off the oven"and went to the home to ensure that the inspector had turned off the oven........he had.

And there have been countless times of "drive bys and checking alarms" to make sure all is good.....AT 2 AM!!!!!!!

Didn't I write that nothing good happens after 2 am?

It's cause we care about our customers (even made up ones, next blog)
OR
We are a bit PSYCHO............

SWINE FLU ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, now I have seen all sorts of stuff in my professional career (goes back a ton of years) but this past week brought in a new one........God I love this gig.

So I'm doing my Realtor thing; showing property to one of my favorite customers and we are looking at kitchens, bedrooms, bathrooms, gardens.....in short we are "touring homes" (that's what the old timers call it).

Well I did not know that "touring" involved "Livestock".

We are doing the "touring" thing and walk into a home; all looks normal until we get to a bathroom door and it has a little sign the states "Little Princess"......ahhh... how cute she must be a little girl.

Since we are "touring", we open the door and..........................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

We were attacked by a large swine looking pig thing and not in a "Babe" way.

OK, the "swine" was not a vicious wild boar but a cute "Little Princess"....who smelled like hell.

So when you go list your property and the Agent tells you to take down personal photos, de-clutter and clear counters.....make sure you DO NOT mention the "Livestock"....

We might just turn it into bacon!!!!!!!!!!

IN HONOR OF MY FATHER...Part 3

Someone asked (and I know who you are) "what the heck is Bombea Chico Y Agunata".
Well after consulting with Google China....................NADA, those @#$%^& Rich Commies.

I am proud to say that this term is my Dad's and my Dad's only.

If you survived "Mantando el Crocodilo" then you automatically got promoted to "Bombea y Agunata" with lead to "Empuja Conjo"........but I digress.

Ok, we grew up with a 1961 VW Bug and apparently the brakes had to be bled daily.

Now we need to address the fact that a 61' Bug was powered by about a 40 HSP engine, which is just a bit short of your lawn mower and weighs about what my "MIL" weighs..... so brakes in 61' were an option.

Now after you "Matar el Crocodilo", Dad would recruit you to "Bleed the Brakes" which involved the cries of ..."Bombea Chico Y Aguanta".

For those of you who live in China and cannot access Google; the phrase means "Pump and hold" and not in a good way......................

Yes, I will address "Empuja Conjo" at a later date.

IN HONOR OF MY FATHER...Part 2

Ok, so in keeping with my Dads "Matando el Crocodilo" mandate; when I did my "inheritance addition" I installed an electric water heater and felt that I had finally vanquished the "Crocodilo".

HAHAHAHA......

Those Crocodilos are hard to kill and for years I had my own hot water issues.

They went something like this; "JAV......... I HAVE NO @#$%^&* HOT WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And my Mother-in-Law, being my "Inheritance" would chime in "NEITHER DO I!!!!!!!!!"(but in Spanish, which sounds louder)

Until this week when in a moment of sheer brilliance....I called someone who knew what they were doing.

So for about the cost of nothing, I took off 2 screws and changed the internal thermostat up from 125' to 145' and all is good in Javi World.

Now truth be told; I will lower it back to 125' when my "MIL" gets back....I just have too.

IN HONOR OF MY FATHER, Part 1..........

So for years in my childhood home we would " Matar el Crocodilo" translation (Kill the Crocodile) every once in a while and please note that this should not be confused with another Gonzalez trait of "Bombea Chico y aguanta"

Now this ritual would happen usually on the coldest days of the year and went something like this:

We, being a very progressive family (read poor) had solar water heating before it was cool (read it came with the home) and it worked quite well except of the nagging problem that it needs "Solar" to heat the water.

Now anyone who has live in Miami for one season knows that every time we get a cold front it will get cloudy and rainy and all in all we go "British" and not see any "Solar" for a couple of days.

So without any "Solar" we lacked "Water Heating" which meant that we would bathe in.....lets see how I can put this?

Oh yeah, we would "Matar el Crocodilo" and take some seriously cold showers (and not in a good way).

This went on for years and bless my Dad, he gave my brother and I a certain amount of "testicular fortitude" that serves us well to this day, can't say what my mother thought about it.

Now where is this going you ask?

Well one day while my Dad was doing Dad things around the house (read Honey Doos) he found a switch in the attic.

Being a "Man" he said "damn the torpedoes" and not having a clue what it would do (he was a Man), he turned it on.................

And through out our home you heard a loud cry as the "Crocodilo" shouted in pain........

My Dad had found the "None Solar Water Heater", yes 40 gallons of hot ELECTRIC liquid bliss!!!!!!

Kissing a Gecko........

and not in a good way.....

Ok, Its technically not a Gecko (Mr. Corns) it is known as a "Cuban Knight Anole" and yes I was performing CPR on one yesterday afternoon.

After a cold spell, I found one "stiff" (and not in a good way) in my pool and having been raised a caring "Native" Florida kid, I did what every good "Native" kid would do.....I grabbed it and put it in my Mother-in-Law's bed!!!!!

Ha, but the joke was on me.....My "MIL" is freezing her butt off in New Jersey (as oppose to us in Miami), so I had to revive the poor little guy.

So as my lovely wife was cooking a 300.00 beef stew (another blog) and looking at me thru ice covered windows like I was crazy (she was not raised as a caring "Native"); I was performing a very nice job of reptile CPR.

If you have never done this (and I hope you never have) it involves getting really close to a lizard (again not in a good way) and blowing like into its mouth and pumping its chest (no, really not in a good way) and trying to get the little bugger to "cough".

Well after many attempts and some serious looks from Ana, I had to give in and realize that I lost the little guy......

BUT

Being a caring "Native", I put CKA in a box, wrapped it and gave it to my assistant.

Who needs a Mother-in-Law

SEE I TOLD YOU!!!!!!!!!!

SNOW IN FLORIDA......

Yeah, I know it's in Ocala (they deserve it) but it's only a matter of time before we get it here in Miami.

To prove it, pics of my "Guanavana" tree" which was perfectly full of leaves a couple of days ago and now its NAKED and not in a good way.

Hermit Crab theroy to follow.............

IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A French woman has stopped smoking and for no apparent reason....
That alone should make you "Favorite runner"
Way to go "Frenchy", now as for the tattoo?

Ok, now that is one miracle, lets move on to another one (or two to be exact).

First, it's going to snow soon....remember my previous post.

Second, Folks you are paying attention and putting your properties out there; sure enough I have 3 buyers out this weekend looking at new listings and they are excited.

Which leads me to my "hermit crab" theory.

To be continued................

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Folks, we hit our Goal for donations to "Jav's Run" today; we officially passed the $2,500.00 mark.

I really want to THANK YOU for showing your support to my crazy endeavour but nothing ventured..nothing gained.

Good stuff happening in the Real estate gig; all of the "part time" Realtors are coming out.

It's great, at this time of year (beginning) we start to get calls from Realtors we have not heard of since...Oh yeah, the beginning of last year.

These are the "pros" who do one deal, cash out and live happily ever after.........oh and how I hate them.

OK it's official............

First Happy New Year....Now pay up!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm proud to say that I did complete the 31 days and this post proves it...sort of....

I have said it before and will say it again; RAVEN you have been a great inspiration and I thank the whole group that kept me involved...and honest....and involved.

BTW; remember that famous "fitness" piece that was supposed to air over the summer?
Well it aired this morning and did we know?

Know, we did not know...really we did not know..No!!!
Who the hell came up with "know" to mean NO?

Oh, we have raised over $2,200.00 in donations, we will get to our goal of $2,500.00 this week.

All of you have been GREAT, I thank you...Over and Over.

Also, welcome back Andrea...Congrats to Erica..and Jessy you game?

Happy 2010!!!!!!

Ok, I'm having running with drawls......

All of a sudden I have these 2 hours that I have not had the past month and today was not good.

I organized my CD collection and realized that my taste in music......basically sucks.

Now, I did get my Ipod up and running...ah running how I miss it.
Today was 35 st, which is a difficult run, specially in this nice cool, wet weather.

I'll be back out starting next week, for now I want my knees to recover.

Happy New Year folks, May the new year bring happiness and health.

Oh and predictions for 10'

Watch the resetting of interest only notes; lots of folks are going to be surprised in a GOOD way.

This year we'll have a hot start and a slow finish in the Real Estate market....watch.