VOTE EARLY...VOTE OFTEN........

It's the Miami way and I did today....

For those of you who have a life, you might not be aware that today was the first day of early voting for Mayor of Miami, City Commissioners and the real reason for this post....Cocoanut Grove Village Council candidates (CGVC).

Yes, for a 50 dollar entry fee (my check cleared) you can get your name on an official ballot and folks can attempt to vote for you.

I say attempt because you have to be a hardy soul to vote early.

First you have to care, second you have to find parking, third you have to make your way through a gauntlet of "paid volunteers" that will thrust all sorts of pamphlets at you.

TRUE STORY:

So last week in a sheer moment of brilliance, I asked my trusty assistant if she knew anyone that was unemployed to help us with the campaign.

Well being of that"I just graduated into the worst recession in the whole history of the world" crowd, she immediately called 2 friends and low and behold.......they were unemployed.

So far, so good....had 2 folks that I could exploit.

But this is where it gets interesting; remember they are unemployed and I'm paying.

We contact the first person and all was set until they read my position on the 5am thingy.
Being young and energetic, they thought I was crazy and said "to hell with you, I'm voting for the other folks".

Talk about bringing out the vote.

No worries I thought, I still have another person......HA.

Contacted said second person....5 times and after a "What's it going to be, Yes or No" Meatloaf moment....they said they would rather not sit in the sun all day.

WTF; you don't go to the beach?

And they wonder why they are unemployed.

Now where were we........Oh yeah, get off the couch and go vote......OFTEN.

I can die now.......

OMG....I've been quoted in "The Miami Herald", Mom go and buy the paper!!!!!!!

My dad would be so proud, if he had read the Herald; to him it was a Communist Rag.

Viva El "Diario de Las America"

They wrote a nice article about the CGVC and all of the hard work we are putting in.
If by hard work they mean staying out until 5am to feel the pulse of the community, then hard work it is.

I on the other hand must be pretty lazy, cause I can't make it to 12am (see previous post)

BTW; I said more then emails, emails, emails and it's unfortunate that I did.

The best was when they asked some question about something and I gave a completely different answer.

I think the questions was "and what would you do about such & such and blah, blah....."

Who am I kidding, I was in a hushed debate about the Grove Playhouse with some State dude.

But knowing that no question should ever be left unanswered, I jumped at the chance to put my 2 cents in, with something about "it's all about the people".

Strong, Firm, confident...."PEOPLE".

It was classic to see the faces of the audience, I just knew that I had left them all mesmerized with my wit, charm and intelligent answer.

Until I found out that the question was about "TREES" and the correct answer was "don't cut them down"

Oh well who would have Thunk it?

Who needs even 2am??????

5am, 2am, 12am..........

Hell if you saw me at the "Viscaya Sundowner" last night, you might have realized that you can get..............How should I state this without completely ruining my already suspect reputation......

Let's just say I did not pass the "key test" and before you go all holy on me, I was not driving.

So, screw the 5am/3am time thingy, if you roll with Jav, by 11:45 it's all good.

Realtor by Day........

Candidate by night, or until I fall asleep.

Last night was the last forum where all of the CGVC candidate's got an opportunity to speak and unlike my last video performance....... "I KILLED"...... or at least I think I did.

I was in a festive mood, cause the night before I had my quarterly Condo meeting which meant only one more (budget) left for the year.

Plus I had a chance to offer such vocal tidbits as;

I can sell ice to an Eskimo...or Sarah Palin

The Grove needs to promote itself better.

What happen to the CGVC website?


Hey I use to cook in the CGSC kitchen..........long story.

AND my very favorite.........

We are a bunch of whining little spoiled brats that the rest of the City of Miami does not give a crap about.

It's true folks, we are perceived as a privileged bunch and every time we raise hell we come off as elitists pricks.

So, let's take a look at ourselves, regroup and commit all of our resources (dough/people) to what we believe in.

We all want the same thing, a vibrant village, a usable waterfront and a secure neighborhood.

Now let's go get it......

To meet or not to meet.........

I was one of the candidates that went down to City Hall for our last Council meeting in hopes of BSing my way into the Council.....and to be on TV......yahoo!!!!

But once there I (and all the others) were sadly disappointed that we were not given the chance to speak to our future constituents due to technical difficulties....

Technical difficulties as in "oh yeah, this is illegal dude".

As I sat there watching this play out it again occurred to me that this is a difficult gig; that involves a lot of common sense and serious understanding of the Charters.

So as other's questioned the procedure....made perfect sense to me that we were not allowed to speak.

And for the record the actual concern was "that it could fall under playing politics in City Hall"

I was good about the decision, it was correct.

What did sucked was that we all got rained on and no TV.

In Defense of 5am..........

So after my rant about 5am, I did what any good politician would do and took a poll as to my stated position (plus I want to get elected).

For those who might have forgotten my position, I am a firm believer that nothing good happens after 2am.......in a bar.

But to appease my constituency, I decide to go out and ask informed folks (those who drink after 2am) why they do it and I quote "cause by 5am I'm less drunk"

But my favorite and I have to agree with this was "that's where all the good stories come from".

Now while this was quite convincing evidence to extend the time to 5am, I still need more research.

So if you see me walking around with a scotch in hand.......remember research.

BTW; please feel free to add some other "evidence" to the mix.

12AM,3AM.....5AM????????

This Thursday at City Hall, all of the candidates have been invited to speak at a Village Council meeting, and rumor has it that one of the hot topics will be 3am VS 5am for the local bar scene.

So here is my first controversial position (depending on what side of the fence you fell off of) as a candidate for Village Council........let the chips fall where they may.

Now I have been out of the game.....like forever but I am sure that the same principles are in play today as they were before internet porn.

IF by 12am; you have not closed the deal than it ain't looking good.

IF by 2am; she has not drunk you RICH or GOOD LOOKING then you are pretty much toast.

IF by 3am......................Hell, just call it a night and go home.

Because trust me, if you stay,

YOU WILL REGRET 5am......

Kids,
Old saying,
Nothing good happens after 2am.
Been there, done that.....

Huh...No really Huh?

Have you ever had one of those "Conversations" where the other person.........ASK, ANSWERS, CONFIRMS, QUESTIONS and than RECONFIRMS their own conversation?

I'm working on a deal now that whenever the agent calls me I cringe; I answer and hold my breath....cause I am not going to get a word in.

If you know me and I tell you the number is X, it's pretty much X.....not Y, not Q but X.

Well this agent has gone the whole alphabet and still can't get a grip on X.

So after several of the above "Conversations" where I just nod, the agent cancels the deal (Oh Happy Day) and all is good in my world.

UNTIL.......

3 days later I get the call "Hey where is the counter offer"?

HUH.........NO REALLY, HUH?




BTW; Vote 4 Jav

LIGHTS, CAMERA,.....AHHH Part 3

Part 3 went like this..........................














Yes, alot of DEAD AIR............

For all of you who know me and have wondered how to shut me up?
Well just point a camera at me and tell me...GO......this is like "Javi krytonite"

After Mark (if that was is real name) had trashed me in print, I went to video and REALLY completed the PR disaster.

I went into this "Windowless Room" and they asked me to sit on a little chair with bright lights and a video camera.....and then Dick Chaney came out..........

No that's not true, it was more like a CSI interview (I've seen this on TV) where some dude just tells you to be yourself and describe why you "stuffed that person under your Winnebago".

Oh and BTW; there ARE 2 dudes in the room, (good cop/bad cop) and they tell you look this way, chin up, don't tap your feet, stop doing this, don't do that...etc.....

I had all of these great thoughts, strong positions and brilliant insights to share
BUT
From the first moment where I said that "I was born on Secoffee Street" an obviously lie (I was born in Cuba) I began to feel like a true politician.....

No, what I really was.........was not me.

I like to interact, to move and to answer questions but I sure as hell do not like to SIT.
I have been a problem solver all my life.....

So,
I apologize in advance to everyone for my lame video.
If these wonderful guys from UM (go canes......) can piece a sales pitch out of my performance, then they truly deserve an "Oscar"

Lights, Camera.............AHHHH part 2..

Part 2.....

I got to UM (go canes...still a shameless plug) around 1pm, picked up a parking pass (actually Erica did) and we strolled confidently into the interview; which was at 1:15 pm.

We sat around, met another candidate who was WAY better dressed then I was and waited for my turn to give my "pitch" as to why I should be elected as CGVC.

And that is when "Mark" came in......I was not sure that Mark was his real name (reporter's are sneaky) and he asked me if I needed a parking pass?????

I think he was trying to get on my good side by offering free parking BUT since I am a public servant, I refused the free stuff...........HA.

Well "Mark" introduced himself as a reporter for the "are you sure you want to run, WE WILL dig up all of your dirty laundry" blog and began to interview me.

He threw me a couple of "softball" questions like my name and if I lived in the Grove..... but then when he had me thinking "hell I can do this"; he went for the jugular and really threw me for a loop when the questions REALLY made sense.......

Like what was I passionate about?

Single Malts?
Sauvignon blanc?

No stupid, Grove Issues........

Like had I ever attended a Village Meeting?
What did I stand for?

I winged it and said something like this......

I've been here for a long time and seen all of these "players" work the system and do everything for their own self interest (hell I saw it at the West Grove Meeting a couple of nights before) and felt that I had the time to get involved.

So,
NO PRE CONDITIONS
NO PREJUDICE
NO HIDDEN AGENDAS
NO BULL SHIT

I know the game, I'm ready to play it.

Folk, Just a whole lot of common sense and a WHOLE lot of ..B....SPINE.

Lights, Camera...AHHHHHHHHH

Ok,
I have SOOOOO many ways to go with this post that it could fill a week of them......So I will..........

Stay with me kids, this is Part 1 and Part 1 is the intro....

Intro is.......... that we as "Cocoanut Grove Village Council candidate's" were invited to UM's (go canes...shameless plug) school of Communication to do a Video and interview.

And let the fun begin.