Canine intro..........

So remember that home with the bright, athletic and slightly psycho dogs with a death wish?

Well I rented it to a nice couple with kids and yes........................a freaking dog.

I doing the walk thru and they introduce me to my new canine nemesis, And this one looks really fast.........

He's sleek, well toned and to top it off he's black; if he gets out at night I'll never find the SOB.

To top it off the dog only speaks French; how the hell am I going to communicate with him?

I am so screwed.........

BTW; sales have gone up 9 months in a row or so said the Hearld.

Oh Trulia....what have I done?

So your friendly neighborhood Realtor got himself in a bit of a heated conversation when I answered this question posted on Trulia the other day.

Question was, and I quote;

"We may be moving to Miami in the next few months. We have been looking at homes in Coconut Grove but been told that the Grove has some bad neighborhoods. Can anybody tell me what areas are better than other’s.

Now for those who are not familiar with our lovely piece of heaven on earth, we have what some folks (read Sarah Palin) would consider a BAD neighborhood......folks there are "different".

Several politically correct answers were posted by very good Realtor's, but each one knew EXACTLY what the questions intent was....and answered accordingly.

I on the other hand answered a bit more directly and stated and I quote;

Hi (person),
Both (Realtors) (very good Realtors BTW) gave excellent answers. Coconut Grove is a very eclectic neighborhood and also quite small compared to Gables/Pinecrest...so if you have these concerns maybe our neighborhood is not for you.
Like (other Realtor), I've been here a long time (since 65') and if you can't handle diversity.....Miami is a big place, lots of other neighborhoods to look at.
Good Luck,

Well that did not go over well with (person) and I heard back that I had "Issues".........

I'll tell you my Issues;

My gardener is from that BAD neighborhood and the other day as I was walking out of my home, I saw him running frantically going door to door trying to find someone to "vouch" for him because "one of those people' called the police to say that there was a "different" person on a bike on THEIR street.

To see his fear, confusion and relief once he saw me was sad, no one should be put through that because they are "different"

So (person), I live very close to that "bad" neighborhood and as I said before, if you have the "stones" to ask the questions, at least have the same "stones" to accept an honest answer.

Welcome Trulia......

Enjoy....or not.

But it's all Trulia....I mean True.

OK now it's personal.................

So I'm minding my own business when this appears on my email; HOW OLD IS YOUR DOG.

WTF; I don't care, hell I have enough of my own problems for the folks at "Real Age" to worry about my dogs.

I think this is Lassie's owners getting back at me........

Why do Motorcycles have windshields.........

How does this relate to Real Estate, beats the hell out of me BUT why do they?

Saw some Dude on a BMW bike with the whole "bikes R us" get up and it has this tiny windshield, whats it for?

Protect you from wind?

Rain?

Does it have little wipers?

Keep bugs out of your face?

Do you lean down so your hair does not get messed up?

Just don't get it...................

The sex story...........

This is for adults only as it involves alternative lifestyle relations.

Gotcha reading don't I.....................

Showing a property with a wee bit of a lassie in the home and the potential Buyer also has a wee bit of a lassie with them.

What I mean by "wee bit" is those dogs that always are "looking up" because they are so small you might step on them. (they have chronic neck pain)

Well Lassie 1 and Lassie 2 (except it's Lass & Lass) in classic doggie fashion get acquainted in you know how doggies get acquainted.

Well apparently they REALLY liked each other and.....how can I say this????

Let's fast forward to the cigarettes and one of them sleeping contently...if you know what I mean.

Claiming his undying love and gratitude, Lassie 2 left his mark on the home/carpet.

PROLOGUE;
Buyer and Lassie 2 come back for second visit and you guess it Lassie 1 has run off with another Beau.

And you can also guess; that "Hell have no wrath like a lover's scorn" I did not sell the home...............

I think that they (Fido's, Lassie's) are out to get me!!!

Canine story's continued....

Dog Herder Story:
Finished showing a property and heading back to office when I notice a BIG dog that looks familiar hauling ass across one of the busiest streets in the area.

Fido cuts through traffic heading WEST doing about 40 mph's and misses doggie heaven by this much.

I being the thoughtful Realtor (and not wanting to lose another listing) also head WEST doing a modest 5 mph's and call out to Fido to get in car.....not under car.

What does Fido do?

He @#$%^& starts heading EAST at about 50 mph's and you guess it back through traffic missing doggie heaven again (nine lives?).

I cross said street avoiding "Javi" heaven and catch up to Fido in more casual surroundings and begin to "herd" him towards his place of residence.

Once home Fido promptly walks through gate and opens the front door.......

Could this be a prelude to "CANINE CSI".......you betch ya.

Dog Herder......

Someone reminded me about this story (I did this) and will write about it tomorrow.......also my dog claiming home story from today (there is sex involved).....good stuff or at least I think it is.....

IF IT'S SUNDAY, IT' MEET THE REALTOR.............
press...........whatever.........

May comes to an end.........

Ended May with a great closing.

Young couple bought a home from the original owners and it was a pleasure watching the parties interact at the closing.

Stories were told;
How one family member had done all of the iron work.
How the kids had played in the garden with friends.
Which neighbors had come and gone.
What the current owners planned to do with the home to add their personal touches.

In short this home has a history, it's why I do what I do.

The last couple of years, residential Real estate lost it's core meaning; folks started to look at it as how much can I make instead of how much can I live.

I have said it before and will say it again, homes are not investments that will make you rich financially, they will make you rich personally.

This Blog will be about life stories involving Real Estate; it will not be about statistic's, trends, or market analysis (there are plenty of places to find all of that information).

But read the stories; there are Real Estate lessons in each one.....or at least I hope there is.

On to June!!!!!!!!

(did I mention CASH is back?)

Woof part 2...or Woof, Woof.

Forgot to mention the Dog closing; Seller brings Dogs to closing to prove they had been vaccinated.
Here in the great state of Miami, we lien your property if you do not vaccinate your pets.

Now in true Miami fashion; only the responsible pet owners get penalized.

All of the other pet owners who NEVER vaccinate, or take their pets to the Vet get away with not being chased by the "Pet Patrol".

It's a great racket that involves; Vets, Real Estate and those creepy people that work at Animal Control.

How do I know so much about this; Funny you should ask?

Years ago I was also threaten by said Animal Control for not vaccinating Stout on time; to the tune of 300 bucks.
I went to argue my point which was "Dude I vaccinated Stout, here's the receipt, why the 300bucks"

Creepy Dudes reply "because you were late"
My reply "better late then never"
Creepy Dude "I don't care"
My reply "you should work for a credit card company"
Creepy Dude "Huh?"

My final comment to Creepy Dude was "so, if I never would have taken Stout to the Vet in the first place you would have never known this?"

Creepy Dudes reply.........Blank stare.

Moral of the Story;
You are better off having your pet as an "illegal", hell they can't vote anyways.............oh silly me this is Miami.

Mystery solved...........Woof!

THE DOG DID IT!!!!!

Here's what happened:

Storm blew in and Fido went a bit psycho and pushed that back door open.
Being a pedigree (collage educated) it pushes the screen door open (I've seen this).
Finds an escape point between the fences (seen this too), avoiding the need to use the gate code, (told you it was smart).

Now here is where it's gets even stranger; the next day we find out that:
On the evening in question a neighbor complains of being "pushed" aside by something as they are coming into their home.

Solution:
After lots of "wanted posters" and frantic phone calls; Fido is found the next morning resting comfortably in my front neighbors bedroom.

Moral of the story;
This dog is smarter then your 5th grader.

Canine CSI........

Who says a Realtors life is mundane...............

Crime goes like this:

Get an early morning distress call from from one of my listings, customer was out of town and when they get back this is what I hear; "The back door was wide open and one of the dog is gone!!!!!!!!, the cops are here and they want to talk to you"

Background on the Crime:

I had a showing there earlier with some high ranking "Federalies", they took a lot of photos and left. We lock up and close the electric gate.

MY Response:
"Holy Shit.... well there goes that listing"

BTW; I'm that character in the show who you know did it..................Ah, but wait (and after a couple of commercials) there is a plot twist that saves your local neighborhood Realtor.

Plot Twist:

A family member had been in the home after my showing and claims that Dog was there when they left later that evening.

External factors:

There was a hellacious storm that evening after they left.
Blood on the floor.
Doggie throw up by the open door.
Screened in patio intact.
Electric gate closed.

Now let's review:

2 dogs in locked home at night.
1 dog in home, one dog gone in the morning.
Cops are called, a search is initiated.

What happen?
Season ending cliff hanger....NO, I'll tell you tomorrow.